Category Archives: skeidaa

tosi syvältä

… changed

visibility of an asinine post from private to public coz it now drowns amongster others…

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i read the news today oh boy

Hesarin Kulttuuri: “Nuoret ajattelijat rakastavat viisautta vakavamielisesti ja palavasydämisesti”. Eräs heistä on laatimassa väitöskirjaa: ‘kaunokirjallisuuden rooli analyyttisessä moraalifilosofiassa”. Heh heh, mikään ei ole hauskempaa kuin lukea filosofian väitöskirjoja, paitsi tietysti kirjallisuuden väitöskirjat ja tutkimukset… hyvin opetetut ihmiset yrittävät kertoa välineellä, josta eivät tiedä mitään, jotain jostakin josta on mahdotonta sanoa mitään järkevää, ääh… No, suurin osa kirjailijoistakaan ei tiedä kielestä mitään ja hyvin pyyhkii… Luin seisaaltani kirjakaupassa syksyistä Finlandiaa, parikymmentä sivua väkisin, herregud, en arvannutkaan että suomalainen proosa voi näin vitun huonosti.

Kuulin viime viikolla sattumalta radiosta uutisen, josta Hesarissa ei ollut sanaakaan, ja joka ehkä on “vuoden tärkein”… G8 -maathan päättivät hiilidioksidipäästöjen puolittamisesta vuoteen 2050 mennessä. Päätöshän on pelkkä paperi, jossa ei esitetä mitään konkreettisia keinoja tms. ja vuosi 2050 on vähintään 30 vuotta liian myöhään. Se uutinen oli, että Kiina ja Intia kieltäytyivät heti. Jänkkään tästä taas: muita ‘lopun ajan’ mittareita ei tarvita: vain Kiinan ja Intian talouskasvun vuosiprosentti ja niitten vuodessa käyttämän ruskohiilen määrä.

Luen vain pienimmät uutiset, isot ovat silkkaa lööppiä. Samaisessa kokouksessa Dmitri Medvedev lupasi tukea Zimbabwen talouspakotteita, mutta söi sanansa. Suvereeni dermokratia, jee. FSB:n nimi voitaisiin palauttaa KGB:ksi, Venäjä Neuvostoliitoksi (huom. etymologia) ja Pietari nimetä Putingradiksi.

Kotimaan mössöstä ei viitisisi edes puhua. Meillä on nyt kolme keskustapuoluetta, jotka kaikki toteuttavat liberaalia talouspolitiikkaa ja ovat oikeasti oikeistopuolueita. Vasemmistoliitto on koska tahansa puhkeava umpilisäke, kristilliset, ruotsalaiset ja vihreät ovat oikeistolaisia apupuolueita, joille on yksi lysti mitä poliittista haureutta harjoitetaan jos ne vaan pääsevät hallitukseen. Äärioikeistolaisia puolueita on yksi.
Vanhasen kakkonen (piip) on maalle yhtä tuhoisa kuin Aho-Viinanen lusikkahaarukkayhdistelmä… ääh.
Niin kuin Venäjä on aina pysynyt pystyssä mummojen avulla, Suomea pitävät nytkin tolpillaan alipalkatut naiset… Liliuksen ja Wahlroosin kaltaiset nilviäiset… ääh.

Ceterum censeo: Hesarin kulttuuriosaston voisi jo lopettaa, nykyinen Seiska Oho Suosikki -sabluuna ei enää toimi.

you know in austria

there´s a town, no, a village called…. Ääh.

sisätupeen kuolemattomat osa # 10100

vakiviinaa.gif

"… ongelmia ei kuitenkaan tunnistettu, vaan niiden "annettiin ajelehtia". "Kun pullonkaulat tiedettiin, olisi pitänyt reagoida aikaisemmin"…
[siis joittenkin joita ei tunnistettu annettiin ajelehtia, kunnes tiedettiin että kyseessä olivat pullonkaulat, joihin…. äääh, hän tekee sen itse paremmin]

jees öv köös dear pfishermen

Dear user of On-line Banking,

Due to scheduled checking of accounts please confirm details of your account and code chart. To perform checking you need to fill in a special account check form.

This form contains request for details required to access the account, type of account and details of password table and payment confirmation codes.

Please fill in the form very carefully as a mistake even in one field may result in account blocking till clarification of circumstances of its opening and use. The form contains detailed instructions explaining how to fill in the fields.

https://solo1.nordea.fi/nsp/engine [links to ]

Please note that this checking is performed to achieve maximum security level of our customers. We hope for your understanding and support.

Best regards,
Nordea Administration.

{mulla on sellanen spämmiohjelma päällä josta näen kaikki tulevat postit, links to kohta on poistettu, hassua tässä yrityksessä saada minulta tiedot on se ettei minulla ole tiliä Nordeassa}

euro-english

European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w"with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

marry christ! now and enjoy massacre in april

christmas

the Christian festival celebrating the birth of Jesus. The English term Christmas (“mass on Christ’s day”) is of fairly recent origin. The earlier term Yule may have derived from the Germanic jōl or the Anglo-Saxon geōl, which referred to the feast of the winter solstice. The corresponding terms in other languages—Navidad in Spanish, Natale in Italian, Noël in French—all probably denote nativity. The German word Weihnachten denotes “hallowed night.” Since the early 20th century, Christmas has also been a secular family holiday, observed by Christians and non-Christians alike, devoid of Christian elements, and marked by an increasingly elaborate exchange of gifts. In this secular Christmas celebration, a mythical figure named Santa Claus plays the pivotal role.

The early Christian community distinguished between the identification of the date of Jesus’ birth and the liturgical celebration of that event. The actual observance of the day of Jesus’ birth was long in coming. In particular, during the first two centuries of Christianity there was strong opposition to recognizing birthdays of martyrs or, for that matter, of Jesus. Numerous church fathers offered sarcastic comments about the pagan custom of celebrating birthdays when, in fact, saints and martyrs should be honoured on the days of their martyrdom—their true “birthdays,” from the church’s perspective.

The precise origin of assigning December 25 as the birth date of Jesus is unclear. The New Testament provides no clues in this regard. December 25 was first identified as the date of Jesus’ birth by Sextus Julius Africanus in 221 and later became the universally accepted date. One widespread explanation of the origin of this date is that December 25 was the Christianizing of the dies solis invicti nati (“day of the birth of the unconquered sun”), a popular holiday in the Roman Empire that celebrated the winter solstice as a symbol of the resurgence of the sun, the casting away of winter and the heralding of the rebirth of spring and summer. Indeed, after December 25 had become widely accepted as the date of Jesus’ birth, Christian writers frequently made the connection between the rebirth of the sun and the birth of the Son. One of the difficulties with this view is that it suggests a nonchalant willingness on the part of the Christian church to appropriate a pagan festival when the early church was so intent on distinguishing itself categorically from pagan beliefs and practices.

A second view suggests that December 25 became the date of Jesus’ birth by a priori reasoning that identified the spring equinox as the date of the creation of the world and the fourth day of creation, when the light was created, as the day of Jesus’ conception (i.e., March 25). December 25, nine months later, then became the date of Jesus’ birth. For a long time the celebration of Jesus’ birth was observed in conjunction with his baptism, celebrated January 6.

Christmas began to be widely celebrated with a specific liturgy in the 9th century but did not attain the liturgical importance of either Good Friday or Easter, the other two major Christian holidays. Roman Catholic churches celebrate the first Christmas mass at midnight, and Protestant churches have increasingly held Christmas candlelight services late on the evening of December 24. A special service of “lessons and carols” intertwines Christmas carols with Scripture readings narrating salvation history from the Fall in the Garden of Eden to the coming of Christ. The service, inaugurated by E.W. Benson and adopted at the University of Cambridge, has become widely popular.

None of the contemporary Christmas customs have their origin in theological or liturgical affirmations, and most are of fairly recent date. The Renaissance humanist Sebastian Brant recorded, in Das Narrenschiff (1494; The Ship of Fools), the custom of placing branches of fir trees in houses. Even though there is some uncertainty about the precise date and origin of the tradition of the Christmas tree, it appears that fir trees decorated with apples were first known in Strasbourg in 1605. The first use of candles on such trees is recorded by a Silesian duchess in 1611. The Advent wreath—made of fir branches, with four candles denoting the four Sundays of the Advent season—is of even more recent origin, especially in North America. The custom, which began in the 19th century but had roots in the 16th, originally involved a fir wreath with 24 candles (the 24 days before Christmas, starting December 1), but the awkwardness of having so many candles on the wreath reduced the number to four. An analogous custom is the Advent calendar, which provides 24 openings, one to be opened each day beginning December 1. According to tradition, the calendar was created in the 19th century by a Munich housewife who tired of having to answer endlessly when Christmas would come. The first commercial calendars were printed in Germany in 1851. The intense preparation for Christmas that is part of the commercialization of the holiday has blurred the traditional liturgical distinction between Advent and the Christmas season, as can be seen by the placement of Christmas trees in sanctuaries well before December 25.

Toward the end of the 18th century the practice of giving gifts to family members became well established. Theologically, the feast day reminded Christians of God’s gift of Jesus to humankind even as the coming of the Wise Men, or Magi, to Bethlehem suggested that Christmas was somehow related to giving gifts. The practice of giving gifts, which goes back to the 15th century, contributed to the view that Christmas was a secular holiday focused on family and friends. This was one reason why Puritans in Old and New England opposed the celebration of Christmas and in both England and America succeeded in banning its observance.

The tradition of celebrating Christmas as a secular, family holiday is splendidly illustrated by a number of English “Christmas” carols such as "Here We Come A-Wassailing" or "Deck the Halls with Boughs of Holly." It can also be seen in the practice of sending Christmas cards, which began in England in the 19th century. Moreover, in countries such as Austria and Germany, the connection between the Christian festival and the family holiday is made by identifying the Christ child as the giver of gifts to the family. In some European countries Saint Nicholas appears on his feast day (December 6) bringing modest gifts of candy and other gifts to children. In North America, the pre-Christmas role of the Christian Saint Nicholas was transformed, under the influence of the poem ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas, into the increasingly central role of Santa Claus as the source of Christmas gifts for the family. While both name and attire—a version of the traditional dress of bishop—of Santa Claus reveal his Christian roots, and his role of querying children about their past behaviour replicates that of Saint Nicholas, he is seen as secular figure. In Australia, where people attend open-air concerts of Christmas carols and have their Christmas dinner on the beach, Santa Claus wears red swimming trunks as well as a white beard.

In most European countries gifts are exchanged on Christmas Eve, December 24, in keeping with the notion that the baby Jesus was born on the night of the 24th. The morning of December 25, however, has become the time for the exchange of gifts in North America. In 17th- and 18th-century Europe the modest exchange of gifts took place in the early hours of the 25th when the family returned home from the Christmas mass. When the evening of the 24th became the time for the exchange of gifts, the Christmas mass was set into the late afternoon of that day. In North America, the centrality of the morning of the 25th of December as the time for the family to open presents has led, with the exception of Cat
holic and some Lutheran and Episcopal churches, to the virtual end of holding church services on that day, a striking illustration of the way societal customs influence liturgical practices.

Given the importance of Christmas as one of the major Christian feast days, most European countries observe, under Christian influence, December 26 as a second Christmas holiday. This practice recalls the ancient Christian liturgical notion that the celebration of Christmas, as well as that of Easter and of Pentecost, should last the entire week. The week-long observance, however, was successively reduced to Christmas day and a single, additional holiday on December 26.

With the spread of Christianity beyond Europe and North America the celebration of Christmas was transferred to societies throughout the non-Western world. In many of these countries Christians are not the majority population and therefore the religious holiday has not become a cultural holiday. Christmas customs in these societies thus often echo Western traditions because they were exposed to Christianity as a religion and cultural artifact of the West. Among the few exceptions is in Ethiopia, where Christianity has had a home ever since the 4th century and where the Ethiopian Orthodox church celebrates Christmas on January 7. The Russian Orthodox church also recognizes January 7 as Christmas day, and the Armenian church honours January 6 as Christmas.

In South and Central America, unique religious and secular traditions mark the Christmas celebration. In Mexico, on days leading up to Christmas, the search of Mary and Joseph for a place to stay is reenacted and children try to break a piñata filled with toys and candy. Christmas is a great summer festival in Brazil, including picnics, fireworks, and other festivities as well as a solemn procession of priests to the church to celebrate midnight mass. In India, the fir as Christmas tree is replaced by the mango tree or the bamboo tree, and houses are decorated with mango leaves. Japan serves as illustration of a different sort. There, in a predominantly Shintō country, the secular aspects of the holiday—Christmas trees and decorations, even the singing of Christmas songs such as "Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer" or "I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas" —instead of the religious aspects are widely observed.

Hans J. Hillerbrand

christmassacre, klasu on kuollu K-30

Yleisön pyynnöttä julkaisemme tutkimustuloksemme koskien Joulupukin olemassaoloa. Samalla pahoittelemme, että juttu on tyhmä, ikivanha ja tiedot päivittämättömiä. Mutta tää tahtoo olla eka, viikon etuajassa.

1) Tietoomme ei ole tullut lentävää porolajia. 300 000 eläinlajia on tässä vaiheessa tutkimatta (suurin osa näistä on hyönteisiä). Ei ole täysin mahdotonta että Joulupukin lentävät porot ovat tosiaan olemassa.

2) Maailmassa on noin 2 miljardia lasta (alle 18 vuotiasta), mutta koska Joulupukin toimialueeseen eivät kuulu muslimit, hindut, juutalaiset ja buddhalaiset, Joulupukki joutuu vieraileman vain noin 15% maailman lapsista (378 miljoonaa). Koska taloudessa on keskimäärin 3.5 lasta, Joulupukki joutuu vierailemaan 108 miljoonassa kodissa. (Olettaen että jokaisessa perheessä on vähintään yksi kiltti lapsi).

3) Joulupukilla on 31 tuntia aikaa työskennellä, ottaen huomioon eri aikavyöhykkeet sekä maapallon pyörimisliike, olettaen, että hän matkustaa loogisesti idästä länteen. Pikaisen laskutoimituksen tuloksena huomaamme, että Joulupukille tulee 967,7 vierailua sekunnissa. Tämä tarkoittaa sitä, että jokaisessa talossa on joulupukilla aikaa noin 1/1000 sekuntia parkkeerata, hypätä alas reestä, jakaa lahjat ja juosta takaisin rekeen ja matkustaa seuraavaan taloon. Ottaen huomioon että nämä 108 miljoonaa pysähdystä ovat kaikkialla ympäri maapallon ja kahden talon välinen matka on keskimäärin 1.3 kilometriä, kokonaismatkaksi tulee noin 140 miljoonaa kilometriä. Tämä tarkoittaa sitä, että Joulupukin reki kulkee noin 1040 kilometrin sekuntinopeutta, 12 500 kertaisella äänennopeudella. Vertailun vuoksi, normaali poro kulkee nopeimmillaan noin 25km/h.

4) Reen paino on toinen mielenkiintoinen tutkimuskohde. Olettaen että jokainen lapsi saa vain keskikokoisen Lego-paketin (500g), reki painaa 189 000 000 kg, lisäksi tulee ottaa huomioon Joulupukki, joka on usein kuvattu reilusti ylipainoiseksi. Maan päällä normaali poro voi vetää korkeintaan noin 140 kiloa. Vaikka olettaisimme että lentävä poro (kts. kohta 1) voisi vetää kymmenkertaisen määrän verrattuna normaaliin, reen vetämiseen ei riitä kahdeksan, eikä edes yhdeksän poroa. Tarvitsemme 135 000 poroa. Tämä nostaa massan, ottamatta huomioon kelkan painoa, 210 000 000 kiloon.

5) 210 000 000 kg joka matkustaa 1040km/s saa aikaan mahtavan ilmavastuksen. Tämä saa porot lämpiämään samaan tapaan kuin avaruusalus palatessaan maan ilmakehään. Porojen etummainen pari kuluttaa 14.3 kvanttimiljoonaa joulea/sekunti/poro- Lyhyessä ajassa porot syttyvät liekkeihin, saaden aikaan ketjureaktion joka johtaa kaikkien porojen räjähtämiseen. Koko porolauma höyrystyy 1/4260 sekuntissa. Joulupukki kohtaa samalla 17 500 kertaisen painovoiman. 120 kiloinen Joulupukki painuu reen takaosaan 1 959 016 kilon voimalla.

Tutkimuksissamme tulimme siihen lopputulokseen, että jos Joulupukki jakoi lahjat viime jouluaattona – hän on nyt kuollut. Toinen vaihtoehto on se, että Joulupukki on huijausta (mikä on tosin todella epätodennäköistä, maailmasta löytyy niin paljon todistajia jotka todistavat nähneensä Joulupukin säännöllisesti vähintään kerran vuodessa). Jatkamme tutkimuksia edelleen.

fuck you

aina kun kuulen jonkun
puhuvan ainoasta vaihtoehdosta
vedän kynän huotrasta
ja poistan siitä kondomin
{sekundan sekundaa}

вздох

Kirjallisuudellekin kävi sitten niin: sen ydin pienenemistään pieneni, mutta systeemi senkun kasvamistaan kasvoi ja kaupallistui.
{ven. huokaus}